We are - most of us - incredibly bad at choosing partners who will make us happy and who will be warm and supportive. It may look like bad luck but it is far worse than this: it is an unconscious strategy to frustrate ourselves that we need to understand in order to overcome it once and for all.

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“The fastest, easiest and most inadvertent technique for messing up one’s life remains that of getting into a serious relationship with the wrong person: with very little effort, and without any innate taste for catastrophe, one can end up – by middle age or earlier – contemplating wholesale financial ruin, loss of parental rights, social opprobrium, homelessness, nervous exhaustion and shattered esteem, to begin a lengthy list of harrowing side-effects…”

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