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Well, Mr. Watson, we have your lab results back. And, well...

Cyanide and Happiness delivers daily comics to your face-hole on www.explosm.net since 2005!

Credits:
Created By: Rob DenBleyker, Kris Wilson, Dave McElfatrick
Featuring Kevin Murphy
Directed By: Rob DenBleyker, Joel Watson
Screenplay By: Rob DenBleyker, Dave McElfatrick
Story By: Rob DenBleyker, Dave McElfatrick, Kris Wilson, Joel Watson, Michael Rousselet, Heather DenBleyker
Voice Actors:
Kevin Murphy - Doctor
Animation Director: Bill Jones
Animation: Bill Jones
Character Design: Jerald Lewis
Background Art: Shawn Coss
Animatic: Chelsea Kubesh
Editor: Thaddeus Grant Fenton
Assistant Editor: Taylor Ransom
Sound FX: Ben Governale
Assistant Sound Design: Samm Barrett
Music Arranged By: Steve Lehmann
Supervising Producer: Derek Miller, Greg Slagel
Produced By: Adam Nusrallah
Production Managers: Lowbrow Studios - Mike Parker
Production Assistants: Lorraine Bett, Autumn Netherton


Lyrics:
DOCTOR
Well, Mr. Watson, we have your
lab results back. And, well...

You’ve got...
Norovirus, hepatitis, tendinitis,
syphilis,
And salmonella, sickle cell,
a rash we don’t know what it is,
And toxoplasma, super asthma,
better go call Make-A-Wish.
You haven’t got much longer and I
haven’t finished half my list!

Your brain’s arthritic, blood’s
acidic, dick hole trickles pickle juice,
Your pancreas is gangrenous, my God
please never reproduce!
You’re seizure prone and every bone
inside your body’s cancerous.
Your joints go backwards, and I
lack words to explain how bad this is!

(spoken)
Except for these words!

Your taint’s inflamed, your anus
sprained, your every vein is
clogged with plaque,
Your spine’s a wreck, your throat’s
infected from your neck down to
your crack!
And all your poop is filled with lupus,
All your shit is out of whack!

Your heart’s diseased and full of
bees a single breeze could end your
measly-
Life and also measles, weevils,
fecal beetles, fetal alcoholic
syndrome, chronic symptoms common
to medieval people,

Your nose is blown, your back is
thrown, your cells have unknown chromosomes,
And kidney stones and loads of
Crohns and toenail cheese and pubic
fleas and leaky knees, and
athlete’s feet, and trucker’s butt,
one twisted nut, your liver sucks,
with any luck you’ll kick the
bucket soon enooooough,

Also you’re deaf.